I long for the brief memories we shared when I physically could touch your face,
no amount of happiness I experience will ever be able to take your special place.
I awake to your memory and close my eyes to the rememberance of your smile,
I draw my strength in knowing I can hold you again; even only if for a short while.
Someone else gets to kiss your face; hold you tight and watch you sleep,
your first word and all the memories I won't have to keep.
I won't be there to drop you off for your very first day of school,
absent as the role of mom in protecting you and laying down the rules.
I will have no verbal say in what paths in life you choose to follow,
that is the part of this whole thing that makes my heart seem hollow.
Every picture that I get is a reminder of how you look just like me,
when I call to hear your okay it's not enough; I long to see.
You may be absent from my hands but never from my soul,
you are the one true gift that God gave me in order to be whole.
When sadness overcomes me for the void I so often face,
I remember that it was I who held you first in my warm embrace.
Britney Neilson
March 23, 2003.
Copyright © 2003 Britney Neilson
