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Doubly Blessed Author: Nicole Lambert
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When I was in high school, there was a girl who had a baby and went through Bethany Christian Services and placed her baby for adoption. I remember thinking that she did the right thing for her baby, but that it must have been incredibly hard at the same time. Little did I know then, that years down the road, I would have so much in common with her. I am a birth mother and this is my story.
I had just left the health department and felt like a failure for the second time in my life because I was single and pregnant. When I was 19 years old, I became pregnant and forced myself into a loveless marriage because I thought it would be the best thing for my child to have two parents living together. Noah was born in 1996. He had a lot of complications at birth and was diagnosed with cerebral palsy and epilepsy. We had married for all the wrong reasons, trying to do what we thought was best for our child and the difficulty of parenting a child with special needs was more strain than our marriage could handle and we split up.
I had been seeing someone off and on and thought I had nothing to worry about since I was on the depo-provera shot and it was practically fool proof. Boy, was I surprised when I took a routine pregnancy test when I was getting my shot. I did not get a shot that time because the test was positive.
I immediately made an appointment with an OBGYN to find out how far along I was. I stared in disbelief at the screen as the ultra sound tech told me I was nearly five months pregnant. “How could this be??” I wondered in dismay. I was automatically considered a high risk pregnancy because of all my complications with Noah’s birth. I was overwhelmed and afraid.
Jason and I were in love, but we were not ready to parent a child. Although, that is what we thought we would do because we were unsure of any other options. I was simply taking things one day at a time trying to let the fact that I was pregnant sink in. I was in denial and I knew I had to accept reality and begin making plans for my unborn child.
Just a few days after the ultra sound appointment, I was at the Tex Mex restaurant where I had been waitressing for quite awhile. One of my regulars, Angee, came in for lunch on a slow day and for some reason I mentioned to her that I was pregnant (before I had told any of my coworkers.) She and her husband, Scott, congratulated me and I explained to them that it was very unplanned and that I was even thinking of adoption. Saying that was so out of the blue. Although the thought had crossed my mind, I had never spoken the word aloud and had not mentioned it to J. Scott and Angee told me how their daughter, Natalie, who I had always just assumed was their biological daughter was adopted in an open adoption arrangement. She briefly explained open adoption, mentioned the lawyer they had worked with before, and said if I wanted more information about them or wanted to contact their lawyer to look at other couples, they would be happy to help. Angee gave me her phone numbers, probably thinking I would never call, and wished me luck.
I called her that night. We talked over the phone and got to know each other a little. She told me about her and Scott and Natalie. I told her about me, Jason, and Noah. They came in the restaurant over the weekend and brought Natalie with them this time. Angee had explained to me how Natalie has always known that she was adopted and that she grew in another lady’s tummy. I got to see that first hand that afternoon as five year old Natalie explained to me that she grew in another lady’s belly but her momma and daddy had prayed for a baby and God led her to them. I knew in my heart that this was the right thing to do and it was God’s will. We set up a dinner meeting for Jason to meet them and he liked them as much as I did.
And so our adoption agreement was beginning. Angee and Jason started going to all my doctor appointments with me. We all spent a lot of time together. Natalie and Noah would play together and Natalie would amaze me because it never phased that he could not walk or talk. She would get on the floor with him. God was working in all our lives.
That doesn’t mean that this was not hard. Knowing that I would be bringing this baby in to the world, but the handing him over to another family was extremely hard. I tried to think of him as “Angee’s baby” and not mine as a defense mechanism so that when I went home without a baby maybe it would not hurt so much.
As we discussed the openness of our adoption with Scott and Angee, they always promised that it was our call. We could have as much or as little as we were comfortable with. Jason and I would talk about this privately and we knew that this baby would be so blessed, doubly blessed, because he would have a birth family and an adoptive family that both loved him dearly.
On September 20, 2001, Charlie made his appearance 4 weeks early. We were all excited. Charlie stayed in my room in the hospital with me and Angee stayed to help and get to know him 2 of the 3 nights we were there. Her friends and family visited and got to meet me and my friends and family visited and got to meet her and Scott. It was a neat experience for everyone because everything was so open and no one was ashamed or embarrassed of anything.
My biggest fear through out my whole pregnancy was that when we left the hospital, Scott and Angee would not live up to their promises. Granted I did not think they were that type of people, but there is no open adoption contract in my state to legally bind the agreement. But Scott and Angee have kept every promise they made to us. We talk to them at least once a week and see Charlie pretty frequently, usually at least once a month. Since Charlie’s birth, Angee and I have become very close. I call her “my big sister by adoption.” She will even be a bridesmaid in our when Jason and I walk down the aisle this April. Even though everything is usually pretty good, there are still times when I am saddened by the fact that Charlie is not with us and I miss him. But the good always outweighs the bad. Scott, Angee, Natalie, Charlie, and their family have added so much to our lives. Whenever Jason and I would talk about Charlie’s life being doubly blessed, I never realized that our lives would be doubly blessed as well. We have a second extended family now added by adoption. Not to mention, all the amazing women, including my dearest friend, Lani, that I would not have had the opportunity to meet had it not been for my journey through adoption.
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Copyright 2002 Nicole Lambert
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