It's hard not to replay in my mind each day the sacrifice I seemed to have to make,
the harsh reality of a life relinquished; the choice I made- and now the road I must further take.
A child within me only months after losing the child I so desperately wanted to have stay,
fighting a battle within my heart and mind to raise this child- finding the strength and making a way.
Living the pain every moment for a child I suurendered- giving up my right to rarely touch and see,
then the realization I must be strong and fight the emptiness for the life that truly depends on me.
Knowing full well the child within me can never replace the child I just had to give away,
coming to terms with the journey I face-knowing I so desperately have to make the life within me stay.
My mind wanders to the years ahead when as a mother I have to answer their questions- meeting their needs,
listening to their thoughts and questions on me- praying they don't come to me with hearts that bleed.
If my children knew the love I have inside me and realize it is in great sacrifice that I make,
there is an abundant love for both my children- a road traveled in love I will always take.
Britney Michelle Neilson
November 2003.
Copyright © 2004 B. Neilson - Do not use without permission
