This is where I stand on the topic of adoption. (Who are you?) I'm Skye, the founder and creator of the Lifemothers website.

I am not pro-adoption. I am not anti-adoption. I am pro-child. I do not believe that every unmarried, poor, young woman/girl should place her child for adoption. Nor do I believe that every unmarried, poor, young woman/girl should parent. Why? Because placing a child for adoption is a personal choice--one that should only be made by the expecting mom (and dad). You will not find me on adoption panels speaking of how adoption is all "peaches and cream"... because it is not. Yes, for me, what I have chosen is going wonderfully, but I still hurt and I still grieve. I always will ache. I will never be whole. This is my life, however, and I will continue on, for my son, and for my future children.

Everyone had their own story, and everyone has the right to tell it. I believe those who've been abused and deceived by the adoption system have as much right to tell their story as those who have had a more postive experience. We cannot move forward without knowing where we've come from. The truth is, promises are broken, and people get deceived. There are those who are pressured to place, and others who do not know they can parent their babies. All that being said, I do not believe bashing adoption as a whole is beneficial to anyone; especially not the child.

I have no tolerance for stereotypes. I dislike them when they're put upon me, as a Birthmom, and the same goes when they are put upon adoptive parents as well. Why? Because to disrespect all adoptive parents is to disrespect my daughter's parents. To disrespect all adoptees is to disrespect my daughter. And to disrespect all birthparents is to disrespect me. Yes, there are those who give the rest a bad name. I've come across those whose personal views have been quite disturbing, but I refuse to throw everyone in the same box ...and proceed to stick a label on them.

I do not see adoptive parents as the "enemy". I see them as just regular folks, just like me, who've been touched by adoption. Most of us, whether birth or adoptive parent, have experienced a great deal of pain before reaching a choice to adopt a child, or place a child. I refuse to disregard an adoptive parent's pain with infertility, in order to lift my pain of relinquishment to a higher status. There is no competition when it comes to sorrow and grief--for each of us, experiences and expresses it differently.

A popular misconception is that if a Birthmom has an open adoption, especially one with visitation, then she should hurt less. This is a myth. This myth has gone on too long, this is why I've chosen to discuss it here. Too many times, when a Birthmom is grieving, I've heard others say to her "Oh, just be glad you see your child". We need to have compassion on all of our Birthmom sisters, regardless of their adoption situation. A Birthmom in an open adoption still grieves the loss as parent, as well as the loss of being her child's only mother. Open adoption does not make things easier, only more bearable.

In closing, adoption is a personal and intimate choice. If I've had a more postive or more negative experience ...that gives me the right to share my story with others. However, it does not give me the right to make choices for others. If I am finding peace, and you are not, do not attempt to put me down or belittle my healing. With that, I will not belittle your pain and suffering, but hope to offer you unconditional support and a listening ear.

I relinquished my rights to *parent* my daughter ...not my right to grieve; not my right to go to parent other children; not my right to have a promising future; not my right to begin healing; not my right to find and grant forgiveness; not my right to walk in peace; not my right to restoration; not my right to be angry due to injustices; not my right to tell my story; not my right to form my own personal opinions; not my right to make a difference in the adoption community ...

... And certainly not my right to forever love my daughter.